2 November 2016

New book, wellness, Africa

Just finished the first draft today of the novel I have been working on, on and off for at least the past three years, and very actively for the past 12 months, The Grey Area. It's come out at just over 90,000 words. It's my take on the detective novel, but it doesn't follow the rules and does odd things.

At the moment, it's an unwieldy beast, and there are some glaring inconsistencies. And infelicities. When I can bring myself to read it through, I will assess what needs to be done next. I hate reading my first drafts, but I enjoy revising better than writing. It's not so scary. I'm hoping a readable version will emerge by early next year.

For now, I will put it aside, because on Sunday Elaine and I are off to Zambia. We're going on the safari holiday I've been promising myself since I was about eleven years old (and collecting the set of 50 African Wildlife cards, one of which was tucked into every packet of Brooke Bond tea my mum bought).

The South Luangwa National Park is our destination – one of the most magnificent places to watch wildlife in the African continent, so they say. Lions, elephants, giraffe, African hunting dogs. Hippos and crocodiles wallowing in the Luangwa River. Loads of birds. Night trips enabling viewing of leopards and the like.

I have never been to sub-Saharan Africa before.

In reply to those kind people who have been inquiring after my health: I am feeling fine right now. The medical authorities can give me no cause for that massive urinary/blood infection I suffered back in the spring. A freak event, it seems. All the tests are coming out negative. That's good.

I was still recuperating when we booked the holiday, which was a bit of a risk. But I'm glad we did it now. I will post reports and pictures here in a couple of weeks or so.

4 September 2016

a book with no name is out

You can now obtain a book with no name from your favourite online or offline retailer. Publication date is officially October, but I am told it can be pre-ordered now. Very pleased with this one. Thanks, Shearsman Books and Tony Frazer for taking it on and making a great job of it.

As the back blurb rightly states:

It is not a book of poems.
It is not a long poem.
It is not a novel.
Nor a volume of short stories.
It is not a work of philosophy.
It is not an object – like a stone.
Yet it drops into the well of nothingness
and is never heard of again.

a book with no name
fuses the optimism of Beckett with the hyperrealism of Stein.

29 July 2016

a book with no name – coming in October

Just signed off the proofs with Shearsman Books for a book with no name – which is due out in October 2016.

It is a book of 49 prose pieces – the shortest running to eight words, the longest to several pages. Some have been previewed in this space over the past year or so. You can also read seven of them here. The whole thing is just under 100 pages.

This is the cover design (NB ISBN in barcode is wrong – since corrected):

Many thanks to Tony Frazer, the publisher, for a wonderful job.

Can't wait.

1 July 2016


This. This is. This is not. This is this is this is not. This is this is this is not the way. This is not the way. This is the way. This way this is not the way. This is not the way not the way. Not the way this is not the way. Not the way it was. This is not the way it was. This is not the way it was not the way it was. It was not the way it was. It was not the way it was not. The way it was was not the way. The way it was was not the way supposed. The way it was was not the way this is not the way. It was not supposed. It was not supposed to be the way. It was not the way supposed. It was not supposed to be this way. The way it was is not the way it was supposed. This is the way it was not supposed. This way was not supposed this is not the way it was supposed. This is not the way it was supposed. Not the way it was supposed to happen. This is the way it was not supposed to happen. This is not the way it was supposed to happen not the way it was supposed to happen. It was not supposed to happen this way. It was not supposed to happen this way it was not supposed to happen. It was not supposed to happen. This is not the way it was supposed to happen.

from a book with no name, to be published by Shearsman Books in October 2016

15 June 2016

Yourope, me and us

So I've voted. Remain. My partner and I applied for a postal vote because we're going to be away next week, visiting my Gibraltarian-born aunt in Spain (where she's lived for much of her life). She was very anxious that we shouldn't waste our Remain votes, so I'd like to reassure her it's a done deed. Virtually 100% of Gibraltarians are expected to vote Remain. Yes, they have a vote in the UK referendum too, and they are very fearful of the result for them of a Brexit. Not a lot of people know that.

I was born and grew up on the Rock. We Gibraltarians lived in harmony with the British colonial powers. We played cricket with them (the annual Gibraltar Cricket Association v Combined Services matches were keenly contested in a friendly spirit). We imbibed British (as well as Spanish) culture. We lived in harmony with and sometimes inter-married with our Spanish neighbours across the border, many of whom relied on Gibraltar for employment.

But we were always aware that on the other side of that border was a Fascist dictatorship. And in 1969, after years of harassment, General Franco, the then dictator, closed the frontier and attempted to starve the Gibraltarians into surrender to his demands that Gibraltar be ceded to Spain. In the process, he put thousands of his own citizens out of work.

The Gibraltarians resisted. And in 1975 Franco died, and Spain began its painful transition to democracy and the modern world. In the 1980s, finally, the border was re-opened. And in 1986 Spain joined the EU. So between Gibraltar and Spain there is now an open border, and in Spain itself free democratic institutions of the sort that we Gibraltarians had already enjoyed for decades.

Some of the reasons why Gibraltarians are right to fear Brexit are expressed more cogently than I can by Maurice Xiberras, former prominent Gibraltar politician (and, as it happens, former schoolteacher of mine!).

These are not, of course, the only reasons I am a Remainer. I have not lived in Gibraltar since coming to university in London in the late 1960s, though I still have friends and family on the Rock. Having made my home in England, though, I dread the thought of its turning to the Little England of nightmares. And I mean Little England, since it seems likely that in the event of a vote in which England opts for Brexit and Scotland for Remain, a second referendum on Scottish independence would be inevitable.

When we were growing up, we learned to regard "English" people (by which we meant Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish as well – ie British non-Gibraltarians) as our friends. I didn't know words like "racist" or "xenophobic" at that time, but we did know that a very small minority of "English" people didn't respond to our friendship. I am fearful that this small minority is about to persuade others who know no better that there is a future for England outside of this entity called "Europe" – hankering after an Empire that ceased to exist some time ago.

And yes, I know I am in a strange position, defending one of the relics of that Empire – albeit now self-governing in everything but foreign policy and defence. But there you are, life is complex. I feel British, but also European, with strong links to the continent of Europe. My forebears include a Welshman on my father's side (my great-grandfather, who gave me my surname) and Genoese traders on my mother's side, who settled in Gibraltar in the 19th century.

By the way, the ruling party in the Gibraltar Parliament (formerly the Gibraltar Assembly) is the Gibraltar Socialist Labour Party. It has close links to the British Labour Party. But support for Remain in Gibraltar transcends political boundaries, as it does in the UK. There is no equivalent of UKIP.

1 June 2016

What do you think about Yourope then?

I have had it with this fucking referendum.

I resent the way the whole country has been sucked into the internal wranglings of the Tory Party.

And how this has refuelled the evil xenophobia of the popular press, in particular the Mail, the Express, the Sun.

And how our so-called impartial broadcasters – the BBC, even Channel 4 News – have implemented this dreary pretend "balance" – as if the choice were on a knife-edge between serious arguments and serious proponents, when in reality it is plain from all the evidence that Britain exiting the EU would be insane.

Never mind the obfuscations about economics, let's look at who's advocating that Britain remain in the EU (or "Europe", as it is colloquially known – so what continent are we attached to, then?):

The Conservative Party (minus those John Major used to call the "bastards"), the Labour Party, the Liberal Democrats, the Greens, the Scottish National Party, Plaid Cymru, the Bank of England, the IMF, the TUC, the President of the USA, the vast majority of independent economists, former Greek finance minister Yannis Varoufakis (who you'd think would have good cause to resent the EU's part in stuffing his government's policies), the leaders and major political parties of all the European nations....

And now look at who's advocating leave: UKIP. A few maverick politicians including those on the make in the Tory party who think Brexit will usher in a period of power for them. And er... well, that's it. Oh yes, presidential hopeful Donald Trump. And it is said Vladimir Putin would be well pleased with Brexit – I wonder why?

Oh, and some on the far left. George Galloway, if he floats your boat. Lexit! Some with no agenda other than to give Cameron and Osborne and "the establishment" a bloody nose. What a laugh that would be! Well, for half an hour, perhaps, before the dawning horror of what comes next.

But then there are those who argue the fall of the government following Brexit would actually trigger a general election in which Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party would sweep to power on a surge of socialist fervour and reverse all those neo-liberal policies and we would live happily ever after, and the other European nations would see the wisdom of what we have done and also elect socialist governments and the EU would be disbanded and an era of peace and social justice would ensue in Europe.

The level of delusion here is frightening.

Though admittedly not as frightening as the delusions peddled in the right-wing press. Immigration is out of control! Immigration is putting an unbearable strain on the NHS!

I have recently spent two weeks in an NHS hospital, and what I saw was a large proportion of "immigrant" staff – including senior consultants, junior doctors, nurses, care assistants – helping to hold together a service that is cracking under the burden of public sector cutbacks, and in some cases having to put up with the petty racism of an overwhelmingly elderly, white, working class English clientele, who each morning ordered their Mails and Expresses and Suns from the man who came round with the newspaper trolley.

OK, not all of them were ignorant.

But the only comfort I drew was that these people are going to die soon (though not soon enough for the referendum), and there is strong evidence that the younger generation of this country have a completely different and better attitude. And if the referendum were to be settled by them it would be a no-brainer.

23 April 2016

Hospital dialogue

Late evening. Male care assistant in his 20s/30s, of Asian appearance; male patient, white, in his late 80s. The names have been changed.

Bill, I need to take your temperature and blood pressure.
Must you?
Yes, Bill, I must.
Very well, then.
What's your name?
My name's Shamoon. Give me your arm now.
Where are you from?
I beg your pardon?
Where are you from, where were you born?
What's that? I can't hear you.
England. I was born in England.
Oh, I see.
Only ... I asked because ...
You look a bit ... Indian. I don't mean Indian as in cowboys and Indians, I mean from India.
That's what I meant.
So what's that got to do with anything?
So what's my blood pressure, then?
Is normal. OK.
Ah, that's good. So I'm not dead yet, ha ha.
Yeah, Bill, you're talking a load of rubbish, that means you're still alive.

22 April 2016


I can't believe how much I have taken my good health for granted for all these years. Before last month (in my 66th year now) I had not spent a day in hospital or had a serious illness since I was a child.

Then, a week before Good Friday, a minor and unprecedented problem with my waterworks escalated into a full-blown health emergency over the weekend. By the time Elaine returned from her Hastings Half Marathon run on Sunday afternoon (I felt too ill to go out and support her) I was in such a serious state – extreme pain urinating, high fever, nausea, headache and uncontrollable shivering – that she dialled 999. Within minutes a very nice paramedic was here to check me over, and within the hour I had been whizzed by ambulance – yes, siren and everything, but I wasn't in a state to appreciate the excitement – to the emergency department of the local hospital.

Where I spent eight days, much of that time being hooked up to intravenous fluids and antibiotics. Then felt better and was discharged. Started feeling the same symptoms at home a week later and was re-admitted for a further six days when it was confirmed the infection had not after all been eradicated.

I had urosepsis – a severe E. coli infection in my urine which had spread to my bloodstream and threatened my vital organs, especially the kidneys.

As soon as I was compos mentis I started trying to document this new experience, but the first couple of days in hospital remain a bit of a blur. I have a strange sense that I was tripping – other former hospital patients have confirmed similar experience. Whether it was massive doses of amoxicillin and other antibiotics, or the fever, or the billions of predatory microbes in my bloodstream, or the fact that I had virtually eaten nothing for two days, or a combination of all these, I was definitely hallucinating at one point. Powerful acid-flashback images coursed through my brain when I closed my eyes, and at night I fancied I could see the skeletons of alien creatures on the far wall (revealed in the morning to be the television and electric fan over the opposite bed). I drifted off to sleep listening through earphones on my iPad to Late Junction on BBC Radio 3 – a track by Malian singer Kandia Kouyate (later identified) transported me to a vision of the hospital at night as a giant spaceship that held the entire human race, the beautiful rippling cadences of the instruments and the ecstatic voice being effortlessly translated into images of benevolent, embracing forms cradling me ... oh, this is late-hippie crap, I thought later, but at the time it was real, it was a transcendental experience that caused me to weep when I recalled it, and that's the truth.

This NHS hospital has been labelled "inadequate" by the Care Quality Commission, failing or "requiring improvement" on all measures except "care", which it has decided is, unexpectedly, "good". I wouldn't disagree. There are some very good, caring staff there working under impossible conditions (one Saturday there were only two qualified nurses in charge of the ward, which required a minimum of four, I believe, and no doctors around).

Oh yes, and the business of immigration. So this country is "full up" and immigrants are putting a strain on our public services? Let's get this straight: were it not for doctors, nurses and care assistants born outside this country – a large proportion of those I saw – the hospital would face catastrophic shut-down. And by the way, most of the fellow patients I encountered were elderly, white, predominantly working class English people.

And boy, were one or two of the patients a challenge – to other long-suffering patients and to staff.

On my third night, sleep was somewhat disrupted by the sound of a man in a single room adjacent to the bay I was in, calling out "Mummy!" almost throughout the night – sometimes "Mummy Bear!" and then following up with "Come ON!" in the fashion of Andy Murray berating himself when things are not going well on court. A nurse told me that he was recovering from a serious head injury, and it was very common in these cases to revert to repetitive early childhood language patterns. The nurse added that typically the next stage was obscenities, and after that ("We nurses are used to everything, but it can be disturbing to other patients") masturbation. Sure enough, "Fuck me!" was soon added to the patient's repertoire. "Mummy! I love you Mummy Bear! Fuck me!" Once I knew what it was all about, I was able to blank it out and sleep better. I did later hear one of the male nurses gently remonstrating with him: "Put it away, mate, you'll go blind."

Second stay, second night, different ward: awakened at about 1.15am by shouting in the nurses' station just outside my bay. It wasn't the nurses. An elderly woman patient had parked herself on a chair in the corridor and was conducting an insane monologue. She employed grand cadences and pauses for effect, in the manner of a Shakespearean soliloquy or a Churchillian oration, but the content was absolute nonsense: "If you give me that cheque for £10,000 I know what I shall do with it. I want a black man – and a black woman – to do my hair. It's not that I want nigger hair. Not at all. But you know, I wash my hair every day. Sometimes I use shampoo, and sometimes I don't. My son won't have anything to do with me. But I was a nurse for 18 years." Etc etc. Sometimes she got tearful and hysterical, especially when I heard one of the nurses trying to persuade her to go back to bed and get some sleep: "You'll be very tired in the morning, Mrs X." "No! I shan't! I SHAN'T!" This went on all the rest of the night, and there was not much more sleep for me.

The following evening, a couple of hours after Elaine's visit, I called her on the mobile to wish her good night and find out how her evening had been – this had been a strain for both of us. After I ended the call, the sweet elderly man in the next bed to mine, suddenly tweaked back the curtain and spoke to me. He had not said a word previously, certainly not since he had tried to use his walking frame to go to the toilet and had had to be escorted back to bed by the nurses with his head bleeding from a fall. "Were you talking about me?" he asked. No, of course not, I said, I was talking to my wife. "I know," he said with a slight leer. Then he asked where I stood on "this thing" that was about to happen. What thing?

Well, it wasn't the EU referendum. Apparently, there was a huge conspiracy in the hospital against this patient, and it was all about to come to a head in the next day or two. As far as I could understand him, it was to do with something bad he'd done, and the nurses were all against him, though the doctors might have been in favour. He was anxious to know what my position was. I tried without success to convince him he might have been dreaming. He just chuckled contemptuously – clearly, I didn't understand. Later, he became abusive towards one of the male night nurses, who he decided was an impostor, and threatened to call the police.

I was asked if I wouldn't mind moving to a different bed, as mine was required for a higher-care patient. I was relieved, but not for very long. I had heard some blood-curdling screams in the distance. Now I found myself next door to the source of these. A young man, clearly with Down's syndrome and without speech. Mostly he was very quiet – he had to be fed, and he never moved from his bed – but occasionally when he felt disturbed his only available response was a loud and prolonged guttural scream which Bob Cobbing would have been pleased with. Actually I felt sorry for him – and this disturbance was only very occasional. More of a problem was the patient in his early 70s the other side of him who kept up a constant stream of abuse of the nursing staff, punctuated with swearing, and interspersed with groans of pain, his main complaint being that he was not being given 100 per cent attention 100 per cent of the time. When the doctors did their rounds in the morning and had the temerity to start with another patient, he shouted sarcastic remarks, drowning out their consultation. "That's fucking typical! Nobody cares about me! You bastards! I'm in pain! This is not a hospital, I think I've died and gone to hell!"

At one point a female security officer was called in to talk to this patient while the care assistants took up prepared positions, presumably in case of violence. The patient quietened down, but not for long.

The normally mild-mannered man opposite, with a brain tumour, couldn't stand it and suddenly yelled at him. Later I saw that this poor man had been set up on a chair and table in the corridor beside the nurses' station, just to get him some peace away from our personality-disordered, out-of-control neighbour. He seemed happier. He was sipping a cup of tea and reading Rupert Brooke's selected poems in a battered Faber paperback edition. Nice man. Lapses in memory for words. Maybe first signs of dementia. I hoped not.

One evening, a patient next to me was being wheeled out while I was reading Flaubert in bed. The porter was standing by while the nurses did their thing. The porters are a special breed: slightly macho in appearance with their chunky trousers and walkie-talkies, mostly quite jolly, one or two lugubrious. This one was craning his neck as he waited, to check out what book I was reading. When he saw, he looked at me, gave me the thumbs up, and said "Fantastic! Great writer. Fantastic!"

I saw a man die. In all my sheltered life I have never witnessed this. I saw my Dad just after his death a few years ago, and my Mum before she died, but never the moment of death.

Diagonally opposite me was a man who apparently had very bad emphysema, or COPD as I believe it's called now. He was supposed to wear an oxygen mask most of the time, but he clearly hated it and tore it off when the nurses weren't around. It was about 9pm, and I saw he was having real breathing difficulties. It was very bad. I couldn't see any nurses. I pondered hitting my own alarm button to summon one, but then I saw he was calming down, so maybe he was all right. He calmed right down. I went back to my reading. A moment later I looked up again to check. He was very calm. Actually too calm. He wasn't moving at all. His face suddenly looked grey. A nurse appeared and noticed him. She pulled the curtains round the bed. Other nurses appeared. They didn't rush or panic. But I never saw that man again. I had been the last to see him alive.

In the middle of the night, finally, two porters arrived with a trolley, pulled all the curtains in the ward shut, and trundled him out. In the morning, the bedspace was deep-cleaned and within a couple of hours another patient in another bed was in that space.

I don't think I could have done anything.


As I write, I have been home for just over ten days since my second discharge. I am still on oral antibiotics – the course finishes next week. I am apprehensive about what happens after this. Clearly there is some underlying problem that needs to be addressed, and my GP has requested an appointment with a urology specialist. I am mostly OK, but still get very tired even after a short walk in the sunshine. I have played my bass guitar a bit, and that helps. I can write, and I am writing. I have finished the proof-reading of and sent Bill Griffiths' Collected Poems Vol 3 to press, and started clicking the links to ship the book out to subscribers. I thought of Bill Griffiths dying alone of COPD-related heart attack in his flat, I think, in 2007.

But I am happy as well as fearful. Whatever occurs next, I will not take my health for granted again.

The Conservative government must not be allowed to destroy the National Health Service. I fear this happening most of all. It is struggling to survive. A few more "inadequate" verdicts and special measures, then, hey, the private sector is wheeled in as the solution. But it is not.

11 March 2016

Reading in London

I'm reading this Tuesday (15 March 2016) at the Blue Bus in London, with my old friend Jeff Hilson and Juli Jana.

If you follow the link, you'll see it says "a reading of poetry". In fact, I shall be reading from Country Life in my set in the first half, and from a book with no name, which, it has just been confirmed, will be published by Shearsman Books in September this year, in the second. The first book is a novel, the second a prose book of uncertain category. But everything I do is poetry, really.

You can sample Country Life here, and a book with no name here, here and here.

For those who want to know, I'm now working on a mystery novel called The Grey Area. There is probably no solution to the mystery.

4 February 2016

Back in the day...

Just out from Shearsman Books: CLASP: late modernist poetry in London in the 1970s, which Robert Hampson edited with my help. Twenty-three contributors who just about remember the Seventies put their penn'orths in. The cover shows the redoubtable Paula Claire, who performed with Bob Cobbing and others. Available now from Shearsman or orderable from all good bookshops if any such are left.